Oreo's Bio

Go down

Oreo's Bio

Post  GoldStar on Wed 13 Oct 2010, 11:29 pm

Name- Oreo
Gender- Female
Age- 10 moons
Clan- Retriever
Rank- Apprentice
Breed: Black lab mix with ?(Possibly German shepard)
Looks- She has floppy ears. Her coat is black and shiny but her belly and chest are white. She also has a white paw. Her eyes are darkly colored. Her muzzle is shorty and paws bigger then most labs
Personality- Oreo is very sweet. She is not afraid to tussle with the males and can beat most of them. She dislikes water and can't stand being alone or feeling trapped. Most of the time Oreo is happy but when she thinks about her brother she gets really sad because she misses him and blames herself for him getting caught
History- Oreo was born a pet. She was raised in a human home along with her brother for nine months before they broke out. Her brother was cought and taken to the pound but Oreo escaped to the forest.
RP sample- Oreo looked longingly at the back fence to her yard home. A few planks where broken and she already knew she could get out, like she had many times before. Her brother Max beside her said "You wanna go take another look? Daddy and his mate aren't home. Now is a perfect time!" Oreo nodded and they moved over to the fence. Max went first, as always. He jumped off the flat rock and over the broken fence. The rock wobbled but Oreo wasn't scared. She fallowed her brothers lead and almost slipped and fell. She never did have the best balance. They ran along the ally way until they could see the trees. Soon it started to rain so they ran for cover, bothered by the nearby man dens. Oreo sighed. She would miss her momma and comfortable life but this time she wasn't going back. She was free


Last edited by hoglolly on Thu 14 Oct 2010, 7:53 pm; edited 1 time in total
avatar
GoldStar
Kit
Kit

Posts : 6
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2010-10-13
Age : 20
Location : somewhere in the world

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Rain on Thu 14 Oct 2010, 2:29 pm

This is a very good bio. *Nods* I only have two problems with it. It's just that most of the sentences are fairly short and others only have one word to them. If you can connect those sentences to the others and still have at least three in Personality and another three in Looks, than it would be better than good. It'd be excellent, great.
The last thing is that your sentences aren't too elaborate either. Try to go more into detail with your character. Find Oreo's weakspot, what's she really like? What are her skills? Her weaknesses? Fears? Does she have any goals in life? Any to all of these things would give people a great perspective on your character, Oreo. It'd help to understand her better.
Oh, and don't forget grammar! Smile
avatar
Rain
Basement Cat
Basement Cat

Posts : 1877
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2009-12-02
Age : 22

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Xx_Tactic_Dust_xX on Thu 14 Oct 2010, 7:24 pm

Everything he said
avatar
Xx_Tactic_Dust_xX
The Creationist Cat
The Creationist Cat

Posts : 153
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2009-11-22

http://dogclans.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Fixed?

Post  GoldStar on Thu 14 Oct 2010, 7:54 pm

Better?

_________________
my cherries Bios
Spoiler:
avatar
GoldStar
Kit
Kit

Posts : 6
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2010-10-13
Age : 20
Location : somewhere in the world

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Rain on Fri 15 Oct 2010, 8:20 pm

Excellent. Approved and Welcome to the site. Don't be afraid to ask for help if anything confuses you. Best thing to do now is to start a thread in RetrieverPack.

....Dusteh, I told u. I iz a GIRL. Not a dude, a SHE. Get it right, pal.
avatar
Rain
Basement Cat
Basement Cat

Posts : 1877
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2009-12-02
Age : 22

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Xx_Tactic_Dust_xX on Fri 15 Oct 2010, 10:48 pm

I MISTYPED!!!!!! GAH!
avatar
Xx_Tactic_Dust_xX
The Creationist Cat
The Creationist Cat

Posts : 153
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2009-11-22

http://dogclans.forumotion.net

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Rain on Sat 16 Oct 2010, 7:48 pm

xD. Kay, I shall move this thread now. It'll be in the Approved Section now.
avatar
Rain
Basement Cat
Basement Cat

Posts : 1877
Awesomeness : 0
Join date : 2009-12-02
Age : 22

Back to top Go down

Re: Oreo's Bio

Post  Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum